Chocolate No-Bake Cookies.  Ahhhh.  Yes.  My favorite cookie in the entire world.  A heavenly concoction of chocolate, peanut butter, and oatmeal.  Here’s a fantastic old-school version, one of my posts from the early days.

But, I can’t do it anymore.  I still want my favorite chocolate cookie, but I can’t justify consuming so much butter and sugar in a single sitting (and yes, I can down a lot of these cookies at once).  The other day I went to make some fudge and realized I didn’t have any sugar in my pantry.  I can’t even remember the last time I used sugar in a recipe, even (it’s been at least a couple of months-which is actually shocking, considering I felt like last year I always had it in my shopping cart).  I suddenly realized that my eating habits have drastically changed in the past year. And I am perfectly happy with that (and also ten pounds lighter).  It feels damn good.

So when a recent chocolate craving hit, I knew I wanted these.  But just an alternative vegan version.  Made with coconut oil (seriously, is there anything that coconut oil cannot do?  It’s like this amazing do-it-all miracle drug.  I’m going through it like water.), these have a definite mild coconut taste, so if you aren’t a coconut fan, you have fair warning.  Also, another side note: depending on the brand/solidity of your coconut oil and the amount of natural oils present in the peanut butter you use, you will want to chill these cookies.  Kept at room temperature on a hot day, these cookies were a little mushy and soft (but personally, I kind of like them this way.)  I decreased the amount of sweetness substantially from the original recipe and still found these cookies to be sweet, but not as sweet as the original version I’m used to. So if you like things a bit on the sweeter side, increase the amount of agave nectar to about 3/4 cup.

No white sugar.  No butter.  A chocolate cookie with actual flavor?  Could it be true?

We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen.

Vegan Chocolate No-Bake Cookies

Servings: about 15 cookies

Ingredients

1/2 cup agave nectar (I used light agave nectar)

1/2 cup coconut oil

1/2 cup cocoa powder

2 cups rolled oats

1 cup natural peanut butter

1 cup unsweetened coconut flakes

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Instructions

1. In a heavy-bottomed saucepan over medium heat, combine the agave nectar, coconut oil, and cocoa powder, stirring to combine.

2. Bring the mixture to a boil and let boil for 2 minutes.

3. Remove the mixture from the heat and stir in the oats, peanut butter, coconut, and vanilla extract, mixing until thoroughly combined.

4. Drop the mixture by generous tablespoons onto waxed paper or parchment paper.  Let cool slightly and then chill.

Source:  Adapted from All Recipes.

I love this time of year, solely for the mass amounts of beautiful produce that’s beginning to be in season.  Blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, and even..peaches (although I don’t trust them yet..I feel that one of the biggest food disappointments out there other than biting into a “chocolate chip cookie” and getting oatmeal raisin instead…is when you bite into what looks like a ripe, glowing peach…only to get that woody mushy stuff.  Ick.)

So I’m eating berries like it’s my job right now. I literally bring in giant containers of them and snack all day long at work.  It’s nice because I’m killing two birds with one stone: I’m not starving all the time and I’m eating super clean, healthy food.

Incorporating some fresh blueberries into pancakes is pretty simple.  Incorporating some fresh blueberries into whole wheat/buckwheat pancakes that don’t taste completely bland is tricky.  Now, I’ll admit: these pancakes don’t have any extra sweetener here in the way of sugar (bonus), so this recipe relies heavily on the ability of your blueberries to contribute to the sweetness of the cakes.  You want to use the freshest, brightest, and juiciest berries you can find (frozen berries will also work well here if you have some on hand). I also highly recommend serving these pancakes with a maple-blueberry syrup  (see below).  You can also add in whatever kind of fruit you have on hand-I thought about adding in some mashed, ripe banana, as well (but then I completely spaced it and remembered as I was halfway through cooking the pancakes…doh).  And while I don’t eat a lot of gluten-containing products anyways, somehow eating things like pancakes made with whole wheat and buckwheat seem a bit healthier than pancakes made with traditional white flour. And I feel better.  Next time I might throw in some ground flax seed and protein powder, and I’ll be set.  But one thing at a time, people.  Let’s not get too crazy.

Blueberry Buckwheat Pancakes

Servings: 4-6

Ingredients

For the pancakes:

1 and 1/4 cup whole wheat pastry flour

3/4 cup buckwheat flour

1 and 1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1 and 1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

2 large eggs

2 and 1/2 cups buttermilk

2 tablespoons coconut oil, melted

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 cup fresh blueberries

Cooking spray

For the maple-blueberry syrup:  (this makes enough for about 3-4 tablespoons per serving.  If you want more syrup, increase the amounts accordingly.)

3/4 cup fresh blueberries

1/2 cup maple syrup

Instructions

1. For the pancakes: In a large bowl, whisk together the flours, baking powder, baking soda, and salt; set aside.

2. In another bowl, whisk together the eggs, buttermilk, melted coconut oil, and vanilla.

3. Add the egg mixture to the dry ingredients and stir to thoroughly combine.

4. Gently fold in the blueberries, mixing until incorporated.

5. Meanwhile, heat a non-stick frying pan over medium heat and lightly spray with cooking spray.

6. Pour the batter in 1/3-cup portions onto the prepared frying pan, letting the pancake cook until it forms large bubbles on its surface (about 2-3 minutes or so).  Gently flip the pancake and cook for another minute or so, or until cooked through.  ***Here’s a good time for you to get the maple-blueberry syrup ready.  See below.

7. Transfer the pancake to a plate (cover it to keep the pancakes warm), and repeat for each pancake (re-spraying with cooking spray as necessary), until you have used all of the batter.

8. For the maple-blueberry syrup:  In a small saucepan over low heat, combine the blueberries and the maple syrup.  Cook over low heat until the blueberries have popped, about 10 minutes or so.  Serve the syrup over the pancakes.

Source:  Adapted from Williams-Sonoma.

Green tea is a little like my kryptonite right now.  (I never thought I would say that.)  But it’s true.  Everyday, I lug my huge plastic water jug into work, where (after I’ve downed a giant traveling mug’s worth of black coffee) I’ll promptly sprinkle in some of my matcha green tea powder that I get down the street from a spice shop.

I’ll admit it: at first, I didn’t care for the grassy, earthy taste.  I would much rather have gone for another coffee, but it seems like every coffee drink I consume after 2 pm leaves me awake and tossing/turning until 2 am.  Not fun.  But once I read about many of the health benefits of green tea, especially matcha, I was hooked (and even though it does have caffeine in it, it somehow doesn’t mess with my chemistry as much…or maybe it’s just a placebo effect.  Whatever.  It works for me.). And now when I drink plain water at home, it’s a little bit of a let down.

So, when I saw this recipe in a recent issue of Vegetarian Times, I was intent on making a giant batch of this stuff for myself as a treat.  And it totally has been.  I make giant batches on the weekends, then freeze it in a tightly sealed casserole dish, and when I want a nice slushie, I’ll just let it thaw for about 10 minutes, pop it in the blender with some soy milk, and boom!  a guilt-free icy treat (especially to drink while reading a nice gossip magazine on my balcony on a sunny afternoon…with a girly straw.)

No grassy, earthy taste here.  Well, maybe a little.  But the soy milk and the agave nectar actually sweeten it up quite a bit, which is a nice change from what I am used to.  Adjust your sweetness here to your own tastes, and you can use whatever kind of “milk” you like-a vanilla almond milk would be pretty good.

Bring on the antioxidants, people!

Frozen Matcha Slushies

Servings: about 4 large slushies

Ingredients

2 tablespoons matcha tea powder

2 cups soy milk (I used a vanilla flavor), plus ¼ cup more for each slushie

⅓ cup agave nectar

Instructions

1. Bring 2 cups of water to a simmer in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat.  (Do not let the water boil.)

2. Whisk the hot water and the matcha in a boil; let cool for about 30 minutes or so at room temperature.

3. Whisk the soy milk and the agave nectar into the matcha/water mixture, mixing until combined.

4. Pour the mixture into a freeze-proof container (alternatively, the original recipe has you pour the mixture into an ice cube tray-brilliant!  Except I don’t have an ice cube tray.  Oooops.), seal, and freeze.

5. For each slushie: Place about 1 cup or so (however much you like or, as the original recipe states: 6 frozen cubes) in  a blender, and add 1/4 cup soy milk. ***If you don’t have an ice cube try, like me, then let your container sit out at room temperature for about 10 minutes or so, then use a warm ice cream scoop to portion out your slushie.  Run your ice cream scoop under hot running water to warm it up.

6. Blend until smooth.  Drink with a girly straw.

Source:  Directly from Vegetarian Times.

My vacuum cleaner broke today.  It happened when I was in one of those spontaneous “must clean everything” bursts of energy that come so rarely to me.  I could be sitting here, reading a nice book, when all of a sudden I feel the little prickly twinges of, dare I say, excitement?  To clean?  (Unless those prickly twinges are actually tiny little dust bunnies floating around…hey, living in a 2-bedroom apartment with three animals and my own head of hair which is rapidly shedding can produce insane quantities of dust.  It’s gross.)

Regardless, I did laundry and actually put it away instead of folding it and then putting it back in the hamper because I’m too lazy to put it away in its proper place.  I dusted, including moving everything off my dresser and wiping the whole thing down instead of lightly dusting around things.  I wiped every nook and cranny of counter space with bleach.  I ran the dishwasher.  I swept the floor and made giant piles of dirt (including one lonely kibble of Scout’s food…which she quickly discovered and ate before I could stop her).  And then it happened.  The vacuum sputtered and squealed and just….died.

Now, this vacuum has been with me for almost ten years now, I think.  It’s moved across the country…to 5 different apartments/houses, and I’m sure it’s been badly bruised in the process.  I did have to completely disassemble it last year (thank God for instructional YouTube videos) when a piece got clogged (don’t ask), so I thought I could figure it out again.  But about a month ago, a little belt broke on it…and today it just gave up all hope for life.  It hadn’t had the suction of a thousand tornadoes like it was supposed to anyways.  The old girl bit the dust…..literally.

After a stream of expletives, I just decided to go get a new one. Within a half hour, I was back home, assembling the latest and greatest vacuum (the suction of a million tornadoes, maybe?) with an obscene amount of Target gift cards that I had received as part a promotional deal for buying the vacuum (score).  The good news?  It works like a charm.  The bad news?  I realized how poorly of a job the previous one had been doing when I emptied the canister in the trash.  But now I feel all clean and dust-free.    It’s nice.

On to the salad.  Beets.  Roasted beets.  I had never been a big fan of beets until about a year ago when I made this.  Recently, I was having brunch with a friend, and he decided to order a roasted beet salad for us to share.  I decided to make my own a few weeks later when I found myself having an odd craving for it.  I found this recipe and knew that a balsamic-maple reduction would be a perfect way to sweeten up the beets and serve as a salad dressing at the same time.  I used a combination of both golden and red beets here (use whatever you can get your hands on), chopped Marcona almonds (use whatever kind of nut you like…I think the original salad I had used toasted hazelnuts), and omit the cheese if you want a vegan version.  Serve the salad with the beets hot or cold (however you like it).  I liked mine a little warm.

They say (and by “they”, I don’t know who “they” are-it’s just the collective “they” that everyone uses) that beets are really super good for you. Apparently they help your liver detoxify your blood better.  Which is good because I am on a mean cleaning streak right now.

Roasted Balsamic Beet Salad

Servings: 4

Ingredients

For the beets:

About 3-4 pounds beets (I used two bunches-the beet sizes varied. I also used a mixture of red and golden beets here).

2 teaspoons salt

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

1/3 cup balsamic vinegar

1 tablespoon maple syrup

For the salad:

5-6 cups mixed greens (use whatever you like here)

1/2 cup chopped Marcona almonds

1/2 cup crumbled goat cheese

Flaky sea salt, to taste

Additional balsamic vinegar for drizzling over the salad, if desired

Instructions

1. For the beets:  Preheat the oven to 400 degrees and line a rimmed baking sheet with aluminum foil; set aside.

2. Peel the beets and chop them into 1-inch cubes.

3. In a medium bowl, toss the beets with the olive oil and salt.

4. Evenly spread the beets on the rimmed baking sheet and bake until the beets are softened and cooked through, about 30 minutes, flipping them over halfway through the baking time.  Let cool slightly before handling.

5. Meanwhile, in a small saucepan over medium-low heat, combine the balsamic vinegar and the maple syrup.  Cook the mixture over medium-low heat until it has thickened and has reduced to about half.  (It took mine about 5-6 minutes or so.) Remove the mixture from the heat and set aside.

6. Once the beets have cooled enough for you to touch them, transfer them to a bowl and lightly toss them with the balsamic vinegar/maple syrup mixture, until the beets are coated thoroughly.

7. For the salads:  Divide the salad greens evenly between your salad bowls.  Top each salad with a generous portion of the beets, sprinkling each salad with the almonds and goat cheese. Season with sea salt and drizzle with a little more balsamic vinegar, if desired.

Source:  Beets slightly adapted from Once Upon a Chef.

Cold soups kind of give me the heebie-jeebies.   I don’t have the appreciation I probably should have for them.  I have never been a fan of drinking my calories in the way of juices and all that jazz, so a cold soup, in my opinion, is a little like a smoothie in a bowl.  But hot soups?  That’s the epitome of comfort right there.  Warm fuzzies all the way down into your belly.  I decided when I was five that I was a fan of this thing called soup because of Violet Beauregard’s lovely description of tomato soup before she became a human blueberry.  So then soup kind of got stuck in the part of my brain that loves anything related to nostalgia…especially the old school Gene Wilder version of Willy Wonka.

Why I just transitioned from cold soups to Willy Wonka?  I have no idea.

Regardless, summer comes around and cold soups are the thing.  I’ll admit it, I want to prove my judging, callous mind wrong when it comes to these things.  I should like them.  I like all the things that go in them.  I mostly eat vegan until about 6pm everyday anyways, so a cold gazpacho just serves as another opportunity to get my 5-a-day. (Or 10).  I made this version a year or so ago (my goodness, how time flies…) with the standard tomato base, which was delicious and refreshing in the 90-degree heat wave of New Hampshire last summer.  But I recently discovered that gazpacho doesn’t just have to be made with tomatoes.  How about strawberries instead?

Begrudgingly, I decided to go for it.  And by going for it, I went to the grocery store twice with the intention of preparing it when I got home.  I bought a lot of strawberries.  But then I decided that I was a little too weirded out by the concept still and ate all the ingredients over the next few days.  Twice.  Finally, on a weeknight, (and feeling, shall I say?  risky?) I went full-steam ahead and made it.  It took less than 20 minutes to make, and I was blown away by how great this was.  It was light, healthy, and it actually kept me full for several hours.

Now, here’s the thing.  I think that the lime-yogurt on top makes this dish.  But if you want to veganize this, just omit it completely or use an appropriate vegan substitute for the yogurt.  A nice sprinkling of flaky sea salt is a must, too.  Add in what you like, omit what you don’t.  I wanted a bit of spice, so I added in a couple of teaspoons of chopped jalapeño.  This dish is totally up to you.

No more heebie-jeebies.

Strawberry Gazpacho

Servings: 4

Ingredients

2 pounds strawberries, hulled and halved (about 5 cups)

1 mango, peeled and chopped (about 1 cup)

1/2 cup red bell pepper, chopped (about half of one large pepper)

1 large shallot, chopped

1-2 teaspoons jalapeño, chopped (or how much you like)

2 tablespoons olive oil

2 tablespoons cilantro, plus more for garnish

¼ cup lime juice, divided (plus more to taste)

4 teaspoons agave nectar, divided

½ cup nonfat Greek yogurt

Flaky sea salt, to taste

Instructions

1. In your food processor,  pulse the strawberries, mango, bell pepper, shallot, jalapeno, oil, cilantro, 2 tablespoons of lime juice, and 3 teaspoons of the agave until puréed but still with some texture.

2. In a small bowl,  combine the Greek yogurt, remaining 2 tablespoons of lime juice, and the remaining 1 teaspoon of  agave, mixing until smooth.

3. Ladle the gazpacho into your serving bowls, topping with a dollop of the lime-yogurt, and season with flaky sea salt.

Source:  Adapted from Vegetarian Times.

I think there should be some sort of grocery store etiquette guide.

Let’s think about this:  lots of people (who are all probably really hungry-which can bring out monsters in people, let’s be honest) pushing around wheeling metal carts (potential weapons) with small, narrow aisles, lots of decisions to make, and a probable desire not to be in the grocery store to begin with.  Now, I don’t mind going to the grocery store (as long as it’s 8 am on a Saturday morning or in the middle of some intense/super important televised sporting event), but I would bet many people are just thinking of the next place they have to be after buying their groceries.  Or mostly about what they are going to be eating later.  Or which one is parsley and which one is cilantro.

I almost whipped my camera out the other day in the middle of one of these semi-frustrating trips to my local Whole Foods, but then I realized I would be contributing to the problem (if I wasn’t self-aware enough to realize that maybe I already was in some way).  It was a random, empty cart-left by its owner (over-zealous about the tomatoes three bins over), who had left it, completely stranded in the middle of the produce section.  Now, when you are in a grocery store (especially one in the middle of a city), space is tight.  There are no mini-carts at my Whole Foods (which would be an incredible addition…I mean, seriously, does anyone have enough money to buy the groceries that would actually fill a whole cart?  And, the whole concept of a Whole Foods, in my own opinion, is one of small, multiple trips to buy fresh produce that would go bad if you make a trip every two weeks or so, right?  Am I wrong here?  I will admit that they do have the little roll ones that look like carry-on luggage, but I don’t trust myself with dragging anything behind me with eggs on it and hard floors, knowing my tendency to trip)  Anyways, I digress.  The point is that this particular person wasn’t even paying attention to the people walking behind her (myself included…big metal cart and all), and just ditched her lonely cart-stopping up traffic and forcing the rest of us to jam up behind her and re-route past the dreaded middle bin where they place things like olive oil and basil at knee level on end displays where inevitably someone’s cart will knock everything over (like mine.)

I hope you are catching my sarcasm here.  This is seriously, in the grand scheme of life, not a big deal at all.  I just think this is a comical observation and thought my foodie friends might have had similar experiences.

So you leave produce and head on over to the aisles where the threat of claustrophobia sets in a little.  And there he/she is:  the phone talker.  And I am not talking like, “Hi honey.  Do we need any coffee?  What about bread-are we ok?  I forgot to check.”  No, I’m talking about the person yakking away on their cell phone about their trip last summer to Cape Cod, head tilted over towards their neck to hold the phone in place as they use one hand to steer the cart and the other to absent-mindedly grab at packaged rice.  Or, they are using a headpiece and freak you out as they begin randomly talking as you walk past….maybe you even say something in return because you think they are talking to you.  The worst type is the one who talks extremely fast but just leisurely (and very slowly) strolls down the aisle because, hey! it’s hard to do two things at once, right?

And then we have the indecisive/extremely decisive, lack of personal space shopper.  The one that will stand in front of the yogurts and just stare.  Now, there are a lot of choices out there, I know.  It can be overwhelming.  But, at least compare nutritional facts or something!  Pick something up and at least look like you have a reason to be studying it-grams of fiber, maybe?  If someone is doing this, a five minute stance at the yogurt area is reasonable-there’s work being done.  And, if someone comes up behind you and they can’t really reach the Fage because you are standing in the way/would cause an extremely awkward reach-around situation, just move over to the side a smidge and say, “Excuse me.”  It’s the right thing to do.  The opposite of this is true, too.  Sometimes people don’t hear someone come up behind them.  They are too focused on the yogurt.  But a rude, within three centimeters of someone’s body parts grab for the Fage with a simultaneous roll of the eyes/sigh can come across as an extremely unexpected and obnoxious gesture.  Don’t be either of those people.

And don’t be the person that has to stop at every single station (two or three times) and sample every chip, pretzel, piece of fruit, etc while simultaneously blocking the aisle.  The samples are free and delicious.  But that’s why they are sample-sized.  Just one should do.  Leave some for the rest of us.  It’s not a buffet.

So where does that leave us?   Besides the unforgivable act of going in the fast check-out lane when you have more than 10 items (I counted your basket-you had 18) or leaving your empty cart in your parking space because you are too busy to walk it over three spaces, we are left with the inevitable awkwardness that comes with an extremely extroverted cashier.  “Oh, wow.  Those barbecue chips look soooo good…is this your first time trying them?”  “Have you tried tofu jerky yet?”  “Wow, that’s a lot of cheese, there.”  “Big plans this weekend (eyeing the bottle of vodka next to the bottle of wine…)?”  “I see you are buying chocolate cake..one time I had chocolate cake in Las Vegas where I went to visit my sister’s brother’s uncle’s nephew.”  Listen, lady/man/teen, I am already embarrassed about the insane amount of cheese I am planning on eating as soon as I get home, but let’s just keep it between us.  I don’t need people in the line next to me looking over just to see how much cheese that chick is buying…holy smokes.

So, in the end, as I am leaving the other day, I am inevitably in front of the cart-abandoning tomato-gawking woman (see above). I’m putting my cart dutifully away in the cart section, when she literally uses most of her body weight in launching her monster cart -in a general direction-near maybe where the carts might be….maybe.  I mean, this thing had some momentum, but not enough because it stopped about 10 feet away from the other carts….again…in the middle of the produce section.  She immediately headed down the escalators, chatting with a friend, not even looking to see where the cart ended up (into my hip, actually, thanks.)  Feeling defeated and a little like a punished child, I sighed and rolled her cart where it belonged….knowing immediately that it was time to write my grocery store etiquette post without feeling guilty.

***As a sidenote, none of this is particular to Whole Foods.  I love Whole Foods (especially the cheese, as I have mentioned ad nauseum as well as their delicious salted chocolate caramels which are like crack and are kept on my coffee table within arm’s reach instead of in the pantry where they would be out of sight/out of mind.)  I’ve lived in a lot of places and shopped at a lot of places, and this type of thing happens everywhere.  Or, maybe it just happens to me because I notice it more.  Who knows?

Anyways, this Pineapple-Mango-Avocado Salsa is pretty awesome.  I was, actually, inspired by the pineapple mango salsa I sampled at the Whole Foods in Carmel, Indiana, a few months ago.  It was sweet but spicy and a little bit crunchy.  What’s not to love?  And it is pretty much up to you how to make this-add in what you like, subtract what you don’t, and, always always, adjust it to your own tastes.  It’s a nice diversion from the standard tomato-based version.

Pineapple-Mango-Avocado Salsa

Servings: 6

Ingredients

1 ripe avocado, pitted, peeled, and diced

1 mango, seeded and flesh diced

1 Roma tomato, seeded and diced

1/3  cup red onion, diced

1 cup chopped pineapple

1 kiwi, chopped

1 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

Grated zest and juice of one lime

1/4 cup cilantro, chopped

Salt and pepper, to taste

Instructions

1. In a medium bowl, mix all of the ingredients, tossing gently to combine.

2. Cover and chill until serving time…or serve immediately.

Source:  A Curvy Carrot original

Tonight I got hit on by a kebab-wielding drunkard at Milwaukee’s Public Market.  Now, I hope that doesn’t come across as conceited, but the truth is, he WAS hitting on me.  And nearly poked my eye out a few times with the aforementioned kebab stick.  With greasy pork residue collecting around the sides of his mouth, he kept asking me, as I was patiently waiting for my simple panini for take-out, if I wanted to share his kebab with him.  I politely said “no thank you” and turned my eyes straight ahead.

Now, he was questioning me about what I did for a living, after telling me about his stock options and discovering that we were the same age, and I said “I’m a physician” -which usually places me in a category of either: geek (yes, I am….give me a night with anything televised by Carl Sagan and some good food and I’m your girl….), pretentious (which, I hope, if you know me personally, you wouldn’t feel that way.  This is coming from the girl who goes into her co-worker’s office every afternoon and has an unannounced dance break…to no music.), or just completely undesirable.  Ask any self-supported, financially secure woman with a career that she adores and you will find a similar sentiment.

After that, he insisted on calling me “Doc” for the rest of our conversation (which was about the time it took for my panini to be completely assembled and pressed..which was a smidge too long, in my honest opinion…) and referring to me as “his girlfriend” when he ran into someone that he knew.  I had to shout back to the man who was rapidly walking away from us, that, “No, I’m really not his girlfriend, sir.  I literally just met this dude.”

And then…get ready for it.  The kicker.  He asks me how the dating scene is in Milwaukee.  (Oh, besides the nearest location of where to find all the swingers in Milwaukee…because he just found that out…last week…when he was out with a girlfriend..one of his many, many girlfriends….) This information was all given to me within the first two minutes of our conversation.  I told him I couldn’t really answer his question because I’m not actively dating or looking to date anyone right now.  And that felt damn good.

Why am I telling you this?  Because if you are a regular reader of this blog, you KNOW why I am not actively dating men in Milwaukee right now.  It’s because of guys like this.  He asked me what I was doing this weekend (as he was fumbling in his shirt pockets for his phone…I am assuming to exchange numbers….I held back the urge to tell him that his phone was in his cargo pant’s pocket where he had just put it after his “bro” called him.)  And I told him I was heading out of town in the morning to fly halfway across the country (truth.) Which is why I was scrambling through the Public Market anyways; I was on a mission to get some dinner, buy some gifts for friends that I would see the next day, and get home to pack and do massive quantities of laundry.  I made a quick get-away, telling him that I needed to go.  He made sure to remind me what his name was.   I walked home, my giggles turning into out-loud laughter as I walked down the sidewalk.

I’m not telling you this story to make fun of the guy (ok, so maybe a little), but I just think it is seriously becoming the reality of being a newly single woman in her 30′s.  I’ll take Carl Sagan PBS specials any night.  I’m just glad he didn’t poke my eye out.

On to the food….

Quinoa.  Super food.  Popular in blogosphere.  Everybody and their brother is posting about quinoa.  Healthy.  Nutty. Kind of mushy/crunchy.  Good with lots of flavors.

Got it?  You get it.  I don’t have to tell you.

But I will tell you this:  This salad is pretty awesome.  It’s got a lot of great flavor profiles here, and it’s pretty awesome as a main course.  I packed mine as a lunch for about three days straight (the max amount of days for leftovers, as I learned as a Nutrition Science major.)  Add in what you like.  Omit what you don’t.  Don’t add the cheese, and you’ve got a great vegan dish.

Red Quinoa Salad

Servings: 4 large servings

Ingredients

1 cup uncooked red quinoa

1/3 cup olive oil

2 tablespoons red wine vinegar

1 and 1/2 teaspoons finely minced shallots

1/4 teaspoon salt

Freshly ground black pepper, to taste

3-4 small-ish tomatoes, seeded and diced

1 cucumber, diced

Handful fresh basil leaves, torn into small pieces

1 tablespoon chopped fresh oregano

1 (15-ounce) can chickpeas, rinsed and drained

1/4 cup pitted Kalamata olives, chopped

1 tablespoon capers, drained

2 ounces crumbled feta cheese (about 1/2 cup)

Instructions

1. Cook the quinoa according to package directions, omitting salt and fat (if listed). Drain and place in a large bowl. Let cool for about 1 hour.

2. Meanwhile, in a small bowl, whisk together the oil, red wine vinegar, shallots and salt and pepper. Let the mixture stand for about 20 minutes at room temperature.

3. Once the quinoa has cooled, add the oil mixture, tomato, cucumber, basil, oregano, and chickpeas to the quinoa and toss well.

4. Add the olives, capers, and cheese, stirring to combine.

Source:  Adapted from Cooking Light.

I’m a complete sucker for bruschetta.  Really, any kind will do.  Especially one that mixes sweet(ish) with salty flavors.  Lots of different textures, too.  (I totally didn’t mean for that to rhyme, but it did.  How cute.)

Well, here’s one that will fit the bill.

Made with a mixture of briny green and Kalamata olives, sweet tomato, and goat cheese (if you aren’t a fan of goat cheese, and many people aren’t, just substitute in your favorite kind of spreadable cheese here; cream cheese or ricotta would probably be pretty good.), this little appetizer has everything it needs to be a top contender for best finger food at your next get-together. There’s the crunch of the toasted, nutty whole wheat bread, the nice tomato-basil sweetness, the earthy, salty olives, and the creamy tangy cheese, and you really can’t go wrong here.  I could literally eat a whole plate for dinner.  Forget being an appetizer.  I’ll take it as my whole meal.

Oh, wait.  I totally did.

Olive-Goat Cheese Bruschetta

Servings: about 16 pieces

Ingredients

1 tomato, seeded and diced

1/2 cup chopped pitted olives **I used a mixture of pitted Kalamata and green olives

Handful fresh basil, torn into small pieces

1 teaspoon sherry vinegar

Pinch salt

Freshly ground black pepper, to taste

16 (1/4-inch-thick) slices whole-wheat or multi-grain baguette

1 garlic clove, peeled

1/4 cup mild goat cheese, at room temperature (or however much you like)

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

2. In a medium bowl, combine the tomato, olives, basil, sherry vinegar, salt, and pepper; set aside.

3. Arrange the baguette slices on a baking sheet and bake until lightly toasted, about 8 minutes or so.  Remove from the oven and let cool.

4. Rub both sides of each toast slice with the peeled garlic clove.  Lightly salt, if desired.

5. Spread your desired amount of goat cheese thinly on each toast.

6. Top each toast with about 1 tablespoon or so (or however much you like) of the olive mixture.  Serve immediately.  *Any leftover olive mixture refrigerates well and can be used as a topping for other dishes, such as pasta or fish.

Source:  Adapted from Health.

If you are like me or any one of my various family members, a cook-out is not considered complete without a nice helping of deviled eggs.  In fact, this was one of the first recipes I ever posted on this blog, back in the baby days…my secret recipe for the family favorite.  But, my, have we come a long way.  Especially when it comes to tweaking recipes to still get a lot of taste and flavor, but without ginormous helpings of mayonnaise.

***Speaking of mayonnaise, has anyone else out there watched Here Comes Honey Boo Boo?  I know it’s super controversial, but I love that little girl dearly.  And it’s hard to believe that her mother is my age-I could not imagine being a grandmother already.  But, I digress.  I just wanted to say that the episode when Mama June’s incredible fear/disgust for mayonnaise had me rolling on the floor with laughter.  I love them.  And now I will forever associate this condiment with Mama June and feel a bit of a sympathetic warm fuzzy for her.

All right.  So, back to deviled eggs.  Relatively cheap, easy to make, and a finger food that practically announces the arrival of warm weather and sunny days (just make sure to keep them refrigerated and not out in the hot sun here….right?  Right.  Food safety first, people.)

As part of my contribution to the Cooking Light Bloggers Connection this month, I decided to try a more sophisticated, lighter version of the family favorite…which was a huge gamble, I will admit.  My brother-in-law usually inhales my regular eggs and asks in advance if I will be serving them at any family get-together…so I knew if these weren’t up to par, it would be a big disappointment.  The idea of pickling the onions on top was interesting-I wasn’t sure if I would like it, but oh well……and the substitution of Greek yogurt for a lot of the traditional mayonnaise component was a no-brainer.

What can I say?  They were a hit.  Minus a lot of unhealthy things.  Minus the large amount of jiggly, scary mayonnaise.  The pickled onions on top mixed with the chives gave them a little color and Spring-like quality.  My brother-in-law loved them.  There were no leftovers, which I will take as a good thing.

I didn’t really tweak the original recipe (see source below) except I used 0% Greek yogurt instead of 2%.  I bet if you wanted to omit the canola mayo entirely, you could (if you also have an intense phobia) and just increase the amount of yogurt instead.

Happy Memorial Day weekend!

**And good luck to my soon-to-be-brother-in-law, Andy, who is working at the Indy 500 today with Ed Carpenter….who is in the pole position!  Good luck to Ed and the entire Fuzzy Vodka team!

Not-So-Devilish Deviled Eggs

Servings:  about 16 deviled eggs

Ingredients

8 large eggs

1/4 cup water

1/4 cup cider vinegar

1 tablespoon sugar

1/4 cup red onion, finely chopped

2 tablespoons plain 0% fat Greek yogurt

2 tablespoons canola mayonnaise

2 teaspoons Dijon mustard

1/2 teaspoon Sriracha

Salt and pepper, to taste

Chives, for garnish

Instructions

1. Cover the eggs with cold water in a large pot and bring the water to a boil over high heat.

2. Let the eggs boil for about 2-3 minutes.

3. Remove the eggs from the heat, cover, and let sit for ten minutes in the hot water.

4. After ten minutes, transfer the eggs to a large bowl filled with ice water and let sit for five minutes.

5. Peel the eggs, slice them in half, and transfer 6 of the egg yolks to a medium bowl, discarding 2 of the egg yolks or reserving them for another use.  Mash the egg yolks with a fork until soft.

6. In a 2-cup glass measuring cup or microwave-safe bowl, combine 1/4 cup water, vinegar, and sugar.

7. Microwave the mixture at HIGH for about 2 minutes or until boiling.

8. Stir in the onion, and let stand at room temperature for 15 minutes, then drain.  Set the pickled onions aside for garnishing later.

9. In the bowl with the egg yolks, combine the yogurt, mayonnaise, mustard, and Sriracha, stirring well to combine and adding salt and pepper, to taste.  **You can add some of the pickled onions directly to this mixture if you would like.  I didn’t, because I was going to use a piping tip to pipe the mixture directly into the eggs…and the onion would have clogged up my piping tip.  So I just used all of the onions as a garnish instead.

10. Spoon or pipe the  mixture into egg white halves. Garnish with the pickled onion and chives.

Source:  Barely adapted from Cooking Light.

A few months ago, my (baby) sister moved into a new condo with her soon-to-be-husband.  I was able to come into town a week later, and I got the bright idea of deciding to host a late engagement/housewarming party for the two of them.

….Which ultimately entailed Samantha and I blindly walking into a liquor store beforehand, attempting to buy a keg for the weekend (if you wanted to see something really funny, it was us walking into the store, nails freshly painted from a manicure, and trying to figure out how to buy the keg since neither one of us had actually bought one before.  The workers there thought we were nuts…and rightly so, because we both squealed when we discovered that not only that we could get a keg, BUT we could put it in a bright PINK container with the ice.)  Yeah.  That was us.  Typical.  And then things got even better when we decided to also buy some super sweet liquors to put into, yes, pudding shots with whipped cream and sprinkles on top, giggling and “oh my goshing” our ways through the store.  To top it off, we insisted that the guys who helped us put the keg in Sam’s back seat…actually put a seat belt on it…where we then promptly took pictures and texted them to various friends about our new addition in the back seat.  Yes.  We’re crazy, silly girls.  But we sure know how to have a good time and entertain ourselves.  (The pudding shots were a big hit, by the way..I made a French vanilla version and a butterscotch version.)

I asked Sam what kind of cupcakes she wanted for the occasion.  Knowing that this was a pre-wedding party, getting together many of us in the wedding party, I wanted something reminiscent of a wedding cake.  But all Sam wanted was vanilla.  Something very very vanilla.  No chocolate.  No additional flavors.  Just something classy and timeless.  (Just pop a little paper pinwheel on top and it gets a little whimsical, right?)

So, using this as an excuse to make a giant batch of vanilla pastry cream, I knew I wanted to bring out the big guns with this one.  Butter.  Eggs. Sugar.  I wanted this to be an excessive, creamy, melt-in-your-mouth juggernaut of a dessert.  And, so it was.  I used a simple vanilla cupcake recipe, but filled the cupcakes with vanilla pastry cream.  To top it off, I piped a giant helping of Swiss meringue buttercream frosting on the top of each one.  I added a springy little paper pinwheel for a little color and boom….there it was.  The dessert of the season.

And now I am looking forward to their wedding cake.

Sammy’s Very Vanilla Cupcakes

Servings: about 24 cupcakes

Ingredients

For the cupcakes:

1 and 3/4 cups cake flour

1 and 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

2 cups sugar

1 tablespoon baking powder

3/4 teaspoon salt

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, cut into 1-tablespoon cubes

4 large eggs

1 cup whole milk

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

For the vanilla pastry cream:

3 cups whole milk

1/2 cup sugar

1/4 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1/4 cup cornstarch

1 tablespoon all-purpose flour

4 large egg yolks

1/4 cup (1/2 stick) unsalted butter

1 cup heavy cream, whipped to soft peaks

For the frosting:

8 sticks unsalted butter, room temperature

2 and 1/2 cups sugar

10 large egg whites

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Instructions

1. For the cupcakes: Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.

2. Line two cupcake pans with the paper liners of your choice; set aside.

3. In the bowl of your standing mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, combine the flours, the sugar, baking powder, and salt. Mix the ingredients on low speed until thoroughly combined.

4. Add butter a few pieces at a time, mixing until coated with flour and slightly broken up.

5. In a large glass measuring cup, whisk together the eggs, milk, and vanilla until combined.

6.  Increase the mixer to medium speed, and add the milk/egg mixture in thirds to the dry ingredients, scraping down the sides of the bowl as necessary after each addition, beating until the ingredients are combined.

7. Divide the batter evenly among your prepared liners, and bake, rotating and switching the pans halfway through, until a cake tester inserted in the center comes out clean, about 17 to 20 minutes.  Let cool.

8. For the pastry cream: In a medium saucepan, combine 2 and 1/2 cups of the milk, the sugar, and the salt. Bring the mixture to a simmer, stirring to dissolve the sugar.

10. In a separate bowl, whisk together the cornstarch, flour, and egg yolks with the remaining 1/2 cup of milk.

11. Whisk about 1/4 cup of the hot milk mixture into the egg yolk mixture to temper the eggs.

12. Pour the egg/milk mixture back into the remaining simmering milk through a strainer (discard the solids).

13. Bring the mixture  to a boil, stirring constantly with a whisk, until the mixture thickens. *It took me about 4-5 minutes or so.

14. Remove the mixture from  the heat and strain through a fine sieve.

15. Add the butter and vanilla extract, stirring until smooth and thoroughly combined.

16. Rub a piece of butter over the surface of the cream and top with a piece of plastic wrap, then refrigerate until cool.  **This step prevents the pastry cream from getting that nasty, skin-like layer on top.

17. Just before you are ready to use the pastry cream, gently fold in the whipped cream, stirring until completely incorporated.

18. For the frosting: In the bowl of your standing mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, beat the butter on medium speed until light and fluffy, about two minutes.  Transfer to a separate bowl.  Wash your mixer bowl (if you aren’t using a standard mixer bowl, use a heat-proof bowl here.)

19.  Combine the sugar and egg whites in your clean mixer bowl and set the bowl over a saucepan filled with simmering water.

20. Whisk the mixture constantly until the sugar dissolves and whites are warm to the touch, about 3 to 4 minutes.

21.  Transfer the mixing bowl back to the mixer stand (if you are using a standing mixer) and, on medium speed, beat the mixture until fluffy and cooled, about 10 minutes.

22. Switch to the whisk attachment on your mixer (if you have one). Increase the mixer speed to high, and whisk the egg-white mixture until stiff peaks form.

22. Reduce the speed to medium-low and add the butter a few tablespoons at a time, mixing until incorporated.  Just keep mixing.  This part might take a few minutes (maybe more than a few), but it will eventually come together.  I promise.

23. Add in the vanilla.

24. Switch back to the paddle attachment and beat the frosting on low speed, about 3 to 5 minutes.

25. To assemble the cupcakes:  Gently carve out a central cavity in each cupcake (you can slice the bottoms off of the piece you carved out and use this to place back over the pastry cream in order to have a flat piping surface).  Pipe the pastry cream into the center of each cupcake, placing the previously carved out portion back onto each cupcake, over the pastry cream.  Pipe the buttercream frosting as desired onto each cupcake.  Top with whimsical pinwheel.  Enjoy…it’s heaven on your taste buds.

Sources:  Cupcakes directly from Martha Stewart, pastry cream directly from King Arthur Flour Company, frosting directly from Martha Stewart.